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Symptoms List

(originally written in 2014, I'll need to update it, and create pages explaining each item.)

• Muscular Convulsions
  • full body muscle convulsions(Since Oct 2001)
    • "muscles tight as physically possible"
    • extremely painful
    • hands in fists, arms clenched across chest
    • convulsing inward to fetal position
    • bending backwards - occasionally bending off the ground like a bridge,
  • Localized Spams
    • right arm spasms at the elbow joint (since 2006)
    • eventually locks the arm up with fist clenched
    • spinal spasms (since 2007)
    • neck spasms and twitches and twists in a counter clockwise manor
    • mid-low back left muscle spasms, and tensioning
    • standing in one place for a bit can cause spasms
    • leg spasms (since 2011)
      • upper front left leg muscle tightens, spreading to rest of left leg, then to right leg
      • leg weakness
      • left most toes curling followed by ankle bending inward (since 2002)
• Stiffness
  • difficulty walking
  • slow
  • stiff legs
  • stiff back
  • cane for support, balance, preventing myself from falling
  • body lock
    • arms, legs unable to move
    • not paralyzed
    • heaviness
    • tension
• Triggers
  • Light (since 2006)
    • any single flash of unexpected or bright light
    • single blink of a red or green LED on parking meter
    • cell phone light
  • Sound (since 2012)
    • grinding
    • high frequency
  • Stress (since 2001)
    • physical exertion
    • vomiting (since 1998)
    • emotional
    • heat
    • unexpected stimuli
• Joint Pops
  • left knee, moderately painful (since Jan 2001, snowboarding accident)
  • right angle 3-axis, no pain (since 2002)
  • foot angled outward (since birth)
  • neck (since 199?)
  • several loud cracks while bending neck, severe painful
  • back, moderate to severe pain for a moment then subsides (since 199?)
  • elbows (since 2003)
  • while lifting myself out of a chair, loud cracks from both elbows, moderate pain for a moment then subsides
  • left toes, no pain (since 1994)
  • all fingers, moderate pain (since 1999)
• Sleep difficulties (since 1986)
  • constantly exhausted
  • usually wake between 3 and 5 AM, for no apparent reason, and unable to return to sleep
  • often takes several hours to fall asleep
  • muscle tension
  • restlessness
  • cold sweats
  • over heating
  • stomach pain while sleeping on back and left side
  • overactive mind
  • dreams
    • rare (since 2008)
    • memorable
    • bizarre (book-shaped butterflies with shag carpet wings)
• Anxiety
  • easily stressed
  • easily frustred
  • easily angered, but maintaining relative physical control
  • pacing
  • shaking fists in the air
  • growling to blow off steam
  • constantly thinking about stressful things, no matter how hard I try to think about things that aren't stressful, the stressful things return
  • health/Disability
  • trying to come up with ways to explain to Disability that I'm disabled, and what I'm going through
  • philosophy/religion/politics
  • angered at people for not actually acting as the beliefs they claim to follow teach
  • housemates
• Social anxiety
  • fear of making phone calls
  • can take an hour or two to work up the energy to get out of the house, if at all
  • don't know what to say
  • saying something stupid and being ridiculed or made fun of for it
  • self-conscious
  • paranoid about what others are thinking
  • more concerned with offending someone than having fun
  • unable to relax
• Preparing food
  • causes extreme frustration/anxiety
  • dislike of most foods
  • causes feelings of itchiness on head, or neck, or upper arms, or stomach
• Depression
  • not being able to physically do the things I once could, or would like to do
  • bike riding
  • running
  • dancing
  • walking
  • hiking
  • going out to eat
  • visions of killing myself
  • asked to no longer attend church
  • purposefully (so as to not endanger other people) crashed my car into freeway guardrail while screaming in tears
• School
• Northern California to Wisconsin
  • moved to new school just before the end of 6th grade
  • small school
  • embarrassed myself at school dance
  • unable to do homework due to crying
  • made fun of
  • urinated on
  • beat up
  • shoved into lockers
  • few friends
  • when Columbine happened, the other students began treating me with more respect, stating that they thought I would do something similar, I reassured I wouldn't
  • not understanding how to study
  • almost never studied for a test
  • almost never did reading assignments
  • difficulty focusing on words
  • not comprehending without multiple repitition
  • easier to read something upside down, backwards and without spaces than normal, sometimes
  • I could do most math problems in my head, even complicated ones, but when asked to show the work, I couldn't comprehend the steps
• Parental relationship
  • felt as a disappointment
  • my inability to function without supervision caused frustration
  • the things I enjoyed were unacceptable (sci-fi, fantasy, anything "nerdy")
  • told to "Grow up," "Get over it," "You have it pretty good, Buster."
  • only verbal arguments
  • often left in tears after conversation that started peaceably
  • peace always made afterwards
• ADD
  • Diagnosed in 1992
  • Not ADHD
  • routine is impossible
  • pills
  • exercise
  • journal keeping
  • day-to-day work related routines
  • personal hygiene
  • short attention span
  • eyes constantly moving while reading or trying to focus on a task requiring thought
  • unable to focus on one specific part of something at a time, jump around across large areas of a topic
  • multitasking is easier to understand than a single task
  • but either way, things don't end up accomplished, multitasking just allows for more things to be unaccomplished
  • picking up where I left off the day before is extremely difficult, and can become impossible, leading to my body freezing or shutting down, as well as my mind
  • fidgety
• OCD
  • pealing off dead skin on fingers, in addition to typical nail-biting
  • Kitchen and bathroom must be clean
  • toilet lid down
  • things must be done in a logical manor, for a logical reason
• Heart
  • often heavy pounding with no apparent cause
• Lungs
  • labored breathing
  • shortness of breath
  • forgetting to breath while doing other things which require concentration
  • large capacity for my slender build (commented by xray techs for many years)
  • wind instruments through high school
• Ears
  • ringing
  • waxy
  • itchy
  • left ear difficult to hear
  • q-tip cleaning caused bloody ear for several hours, in 2002
• Itchiness
  • ears, often
  • sides of head, often
  • neck
  • arms
  • right outer heal
  • bottoms of feet
  • back
  • stomach
• Social
  • awkward
  • "can't tell a joke to save my life"
  • don't understand social situations
  • don't know what to say
  • quiet
  • excessive eye contact when not in conversation
  • called "creepy" by peers (since 1994)
  • difficulty considering others
  • empathetic
  • argumentative
  • stuborn
  • mistaken cross-gender friendships as romantic interest, and become awkwardly obsessed
  • aggressive (before 1994)
  • learned to control aggression, became passive and submissive
  • withdrawn
• Internal Monologue
  • anger towards people I feel have wronged me
  • family
  • doctors
  • friends
• non-friend peers
  • teachers
  • church leadership
  • vision of suicide
    • hanging
      • causes panic attack from unexpectedly seeing an image of a hanging
      • image of mom seeing me hung, and her crying scream
    • crashing the car
      • off a cliff
      • into the guard rail
    • sometimes have to fight with myself to not do so
    • yelling at myself
    • crying
    • knife in the chest
    • have acted out stabbing self, without object
    • Junior high came very close to slicing wrists
    • desire to have a clone, kill the clone, then become invisible and watch everyone realize they were treating me badly
  • religious and philosophical discussions and arguments with myself as other people
    • treatment of poor
    • treatment of gays
  • Jesus supporting a form of communism and socialism
    • anti-capitalist
    • against modern pharisee-like people
    • Love for all
    • non-judgement
  • scientific
    • electro-magnet motor design
    • alternative power generation